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I'm Craig. I've got a wife and a kid and a far too familiar relationship with Tumblr's Reply button.

I'm not as cool as you, but that's ok. I know you love me just the way I am.

You can contact me by using the remarkable invention called e-mail. My address is fountofuselessinfo (at) gmail (dot) com

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23 May 13
chemicaldarkshine:

hardestcopy:

bijou1986:

A Mom went to have dinner with her son who lives with his roommate.During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how handsome his roommate was. She had been suspicious about her sons sexuality but being a good mother she felt that he would let her know if and when the time was right but seeing the two together just made her more curious.Over the course of the evening, while watching the interaction between the two she wondered even more if there was more here than meets the eye. Her son, sensing his mothers watchfully eye volunteered, “really Mom, I can tell what you’re thinking and you can just get it out of your mind, we are just roommates and nothing more”.About a week later the roommate remarked, “ever since your mother was here the silver serving platter has been missing, do you think she took it?”He responded, “Well I’m sure she didn’t but I will email her and ask just to be sure” he sat down and wrote:Hey MomI’m not saying you did take the silver platter from the house and I am not saying you didn’t take it but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.Love,Your Son.A couple days later he got a response from his mother:Dear Son,I am not saying that you do sleep with your roommate and I am not saying that you don’t sleep with him and you know I love you and could care less either way but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed he would have found the platter under his pillow.When are the two of you coming for dinner?Love,Mom


BEST MOM

I’m crYING


Well, that’s a new version of this very old story. Usually the mother (or other accused thief) is not as happy about the lie she is catching them in. A new version for a new generation, I suppose.

chemicaldarkshine:

hardestcopy:

bijou1986:

A Mom went to have dinner with her son who lives with his roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how handsome his roommate was. She had been suspicious about her sons sexuality but being a good mother she felt that he would let her know if and when the time was right but seeing the two together just made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the interaction between the two she wondered even more if there was more here than meets the eye. Her son, sensing his mothers watchfully eye volunteered, “really Mom, I can tell what you’re thinking and you can just get it out of your mind, we are just roommates and nothing more”.

About a week later the roommate remarked, “ever since your mother was here the silver serving platter has been missing, do you think she took it?”

He responded, “Well I’m sure she didn’t but I will email her and ask just to be sure” he sat down and wrote:

Hey Mom
I’m not saying you did take the silver platter from the house and I am not saying you didn’t take it but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Your Son.

A couple days later he got a response from his mother:

Dear Son,
I am not saying that you do sleep with your roommate and I am not saying that you don’t sleep with him and you know I love you and could care less either way but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed he would have found the platter under his pillow.
When are the two of you coming for dinner?
Love,
Mom

image

BEST MOM

I’m crYING

Well, that’s a new version of this very old story. Usually the mother (or other accused thief) is not as happy about the lie she is catching them in. A new version for a new generation, I suppose.

Reblogged: abundanceofcalm

Posted: 8:15 AM

melonk:

delilahsdawson:

fozmeadows:

No cat too big, no box too small: irrefutable proof that felines of all sizes are bewitched by the cardboard chaircave.

Oh, god. I love how they all look exactly as helpless, dumb, and clumsy as my housecat. BEHOLD THE MAJESTIC FELIS.

Add to this our husky who claimed a box as his recently. He even used it to hide under during a thunderstorm. 

Yes, but Chewie has always thought he was a cat: Lying on the top of the couch to nap. Playing with yarn. Batting toys and young birds around to play with them. He even caught a mouse out in the yard. 

(Source: kiggor)

Reblogged: melonk

22 May 13

Not A Sermon, Just a Thought

lastoneinthepool:

cgilmo:

There once was a musical performer named Sisqo. In his most well-known song, he claims to appreciate women with “dumps like a truck, truck, truck.”

Now, WHAT THE FUCK does that mean?!

There is no excusable reason as to why I have put a significant amount of thought into this today

While the phrase brings to mind the fiber content of ones diet, much like “junk in the trunk”, the phrase is in fact comparing a woman to a vehicle which carries a sizable amount of cargo in the back. Sir Mix-a-lot would admire this woman. The members of Bell Biv Devoe would suggest that you don’t trust her. Juvenile would like her to call him Big Daddy. Freddie Mercury declared that she made the rockin’ world go round. In short:

Reblogged: lastoneinthepool

Posted: 11:00 AM
danfaust:

claygharrison:

thebluthcompany:

How are you feeling today?

Feeling kinda Franklin.

I feel like I’ve got a stew goin’…
This chart doesn’t help me at all! 

danfaust:

claygharrison:

thebluthcompany:

How are you feeling today?

Feeling kinda Franklin.

I feel like I’ve got a stew goin’…

This chart doesn’t help me at all! 

Reblogged: danfaust

20 May 13
Melissa and I just played the shortest game of Say the Same Thing ever.

Melissa and I just played the shortest game of Say the Same Thing ever.

Tags: melonk
18 May 13

Olivia got a Dalek at Barnes & Noble tonight. (She’s saying “Love my toy.”)

17 May 13

melonk:

dorkly:

The Sims Career Ladder

I laughed so hard.

Reblogged: melonk

15 May 13
Shawarma for dinner, but not a single superhero in sight.

Shawarma for dinner, but not a single superhero in sight.

Posted: 11:37 AM

Reblogged: gretchenalice

11 May 13

Things overheard while Olivia tried to brush Hermione the goat

  • Boy 1: What? Goats don't lay eggs.
  • Boy 2: Yeah, they do dummy. How else do they get new goats in the world?
  • Boy 1: Ohhhh.
Themed by Hunson. Originally by Josh